The truth about criticism

I've been guilty of criticism.  Chances are that you have to.  When we take the time to criticize someone, it just means that we still have work to do.

What you see on the outside is always a reflection of what's on the inside.

Confidence vs. arrogance

It's good to be confident.  It's one of those intangible factors that helps people rise above their competition.  When you starting telling people how good you are, that's when you've stepped over the confidence line into arrogance.

Confident people are attractive.  Arrogant people are repulsive.

Be confident in the things you do... just don't tell us how good you are.

Hurting hurts

We've all been there.  Whether it's a lost loved one or a broken relationship, it hurts.  What do you do when the people you care about are hurting?

I often make excuses about not knowing what to say and not wanting to burden them with my company.  In actuality, I'm making excuses so that I don't have to be uncomfortable.

The answer is that we don't need to say anything.  We need to provide a handshake, a hug and a sympathetic ear.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Just be there.

I've failed miserably at this in the past, and now I'm working on it.  I encourage you to do the same.

Where has all the passion gone?

Is it just me or have we lost our passion?

As a leader, your job is to provide your people with passion.  Provide them with that inner drive to work for a greater cause.

As parents, give your kids the passion to achieve their dreams no matter how lofty they may seem.  As a business leader, give your employees the passion to show up and work hard every day... and not just because you're paying them.  As a church leader, give your congregation the passion to follow God wherever he may lead.

Many are capable of providing direction.  Few are capable of providing passion.  Let your passion spread unabashedly and be one of those few!

I don't owe you anything

And neither does anyone else.

As soon as we start believing that someone owes us something, we stop taking responsibility for our own actions.  I've been guilty of self-pity, but the problem is that it's never-ending.  You can never pity yourself enough to get into a better place.  It only gets worse.  When we realize that no one owes us anything, we come to the logical conclusion that we need to (1) be completely self-sufficient, or (2) find someone that we can count on 100% of the time.

I don't know about you, but the thought that I could be totally self-sufficient sounds good... at first.  The problem with being self-sufficient is that it's not sustainable.  Eventually you will fall.  It's inevitable because we're all flawed.

That leads us to one place.  We need an unwavering foundation.  For me, it's my faith.  God doesn't change so I always have a marker to come back to.  He doesn't owe me anything, but He cares.

Kick the "the world owes me" mentality because it's not true.  Instead, find your foundation.  Then, when you realize that world doesn't owe you and that you're going to fall, you have a consistent starting point to begin again.

I'm a horrible listener

Yet, I expect my kids to listen.

What standard are you holding someone to today that you are unable to hold yourself to?

I've shared just one of mine so I'll start there.  Today I'm going to listen.  What are you going to do?

Are you a cynic? Take this test to find out

I once heard a wise man say that no one does anything unless they want to.  And, that you can make someone want to give you his or her wallet by putting a gun in their ribs, but they still have to want to do it.

Government typically takes the "gun in the ribs" approach (stay with me... this isn't a political debate.  I promise.).  They make laws and consequences to make people want to pay their taxes.  But that's the hard way.  There's an easier way.

Instead of making a law that rich people have to give their money to the IRS so that they can then pass it along to the welfare system and the welfare system can then pass what's left along to those in need, why not just find a way to make the rich want to give the money directly to the poor?

I can hear the cynics already.  You'll know that you're one of them if you are saying that this approach is impossible.  I would agree that it's impossible to achieve a 100% success rate.  Maybe a 95% success rate is even too much to ask.  But that's true for most everything.  Does that mean we shouldn't try?

Here's the easy way to get what you want.

1. Forget about what you want.  Seriously?  Yes.  Seriously.  Sounds backwards, but it's true.
2. Find out exactly what motivates the person that you need to help you.  EVERYONE is motivated by something.  I'm not referring to deception or flattery.  I mean sincerely find out what motivates them with the intention of helping.
3. Be creative enough to find out how to link what they want to what you want.  This is where most good theories come to a screeching halt.  The hard work happens here.  There are few that will attempt this step, let alone succeed.  This is the part where you'll need to fail a few times before you succeed.  This is the place where the science ends and the art begins.  This is the good stuff.

So this post isn't about government.  It's about giving and getting at the same time.  If we take a sincere interest in our friends, co-workers, employees and kids, what a difference it would make in providing what they want (and getting what we want).  Try it and let me know how it goes.  Unless, of course, you're a cynic.

Let's bow our heads

Why?  What's the point?

Whether you're looking up or down isn't the point.  I can have my head facing down and my heart facing any direction at all.  I think we make this mistake a lot (I know I do).  We do the "right thing" on the outside, when the inside is all that matters.

I can have my head facing any direction I want when I pray, but if my heart is not in the right place it's all just for show.

Yes, this post is about praying, but this idea transcends prayer.  Don't focus on looking the part.  Don't focus on whether or not the people around you think you're doing the right thing.  Do the right thing.

Whether you'll do it or not depends on whether or not you want short-term recognition or long-term change.  So, which are you aiming for?

[Speaking of bowing your head to pray, what do you think of this?]

What do you want to try next?

As children and young adults, we were asked to do something impossible.  We were asked (or told) to define what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives.  We were told that we needed to pick a career, that we needed to go to college, that we needed to get a job.  Don't misunderstand. I believe in hard work.  Here's the problem that I have.  Many of us don't know what we want to do now, let alone when we were still in high school.

I think we need a paradigm shift when we talk to our kids about defining their future.  The question is not, "What do you want to do for the rest of your life?"  The question is, "What do you want to try next?"

Encourage them to figure out what they want to try next and push them to do that one thing to the best of their ability.  If they want to try going to college, help them.  If they want to join a band, take an interest in it (even if it's not the kind of music that you like).  If they want to deliver pizzas, tell them to do it.

Push them to define what they want to try next and encourage them to do that thing whole-heartedly.

Then, do the same thing for yourself...

Whose opinion do you value?

I know whose opinion you should value.  The people that you can say this about:

1. They have my best interest in mind.
2. They are willing to call me out when I'm wrong... even if it makes them uncomfortable.

Find a few people like this and hold onto them as tight as you can.  They will make you a better person.