What's this game you're playing?

I've been posting on Facebook more often, which is a dangerous thing to do in the middle of a contentious election year. But hey... I'm a risk-taker. Why not?

On one of my posts, there were some comments that, in my opinion, were nothing more than divisive and meant to anger people. You know... the typical political comments. In my past life when I was more immature (i.e., last election), I would have probably decided to go back and forth with this person until I proved my point, made them see the error of their ways, and understand that I was right.

But earlier this year I asked myself a question.

"What game are you trying to win?"

Personally, I'm trying to win the game of honoring God. I'm trying to win the game of serving my wife and kids well. I'm trying to win the game of building a successful business.

And there are a lot of games I'm not trying to win.

I'm not trying to win the game of pleasing everyone. I'm not trying to win the game of impressing people with buying stuff. I'm not trying to win the game of proving that I'm right.

My answers for the games I'm trying to win won't be the same as yours. It's not important that we have the same answers, but it is important that you have an answer.

So what is it? What game are you trying to win?

2305 days

2305 days. That's how long it's been since my last published blog post here.

I'm not sure if anyone will read this. I'm not sure if anyone was reading 6 years ago. But that's kind of the point.

I'm not writing to get views or to grow an audience or to monetize a blog. I'm writing because it's how I best express my thoughts. Some of my posts will be good. Most of my posts will be mediocre. And some of them will be bad. But they are all genuine.

I'm also leaving the history of blog posts up. Reading through my old blog posts is kind of like looking through an old high school yearbook. Some things I wrote are great to relive, but others take all I have not to delete. But that's part of the fun.

So if you find value in my writing, I hope you stop back. I promise my next post will be less than 2305 days from now!

The unity of 9/12

 How do we get the unity of 9/12 without the tragedy of 9/11?

After watching last night’s debate, it’s clear that the goal was to divide us even more. To push us to pick a side or dig our heels in even deeper on the side we’re on. But what if we were all on the same team with different opinions about the play we should run?

There was a day… maybe even a week when this was true…

After 9/11, there was a sense of unity that went beyond politics or personal beliefs. The opinions that people had didn’t go away overnight. They were just overshadowed by more important things that we’ve since lost sight of.

People helped each other without hesitation. Neighbors talked. Strangers said hi as they passed on the street. We weren’t being told to put our primary focus on our differences, but on what mattered most—taking care of each other.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)

Unity doesn’t mean we always agree, but it does mean we treat each other with respect, grace, and love.

There are moments that refocus us on the important things. God help us if an event big enough to refocus us comes now. We are so far out of focus that we are nearly blind.

And those who lost their lives and the loved ones of those lost deserve better. They deserve neighborhoods to care for one another. They deserve us to lean into our similarities before our differences. They deserve for us to… be human again.

So I ask the question again. How do we get the unity of 9/12 without the tragedy of 9/11?

I don't mind excuses

It's not really the excuse that's the real problem.

The real problem is that the excuse is our permission slip to not do the hard thing.

If you want to make excuses, go for it. Just do the hard thing anyway.

I think my telephone is broken

"My mom loves to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while watching soap operas."

Remember that old-school game of "telephone" in elementary school? The one where you get in a line and the teacher whispers something in the first kid's ear, then they relay it to the next person and the next person until it reaches the end of the line?

Inevitably, the message that came out on the other end would be nothing like the message that went in.

That lesson didn't teach us anything. We still relay messages through other people instead of telling them ourselves - and assume that the message will get there clearly and concisely.

It won't.

But it's even worse. You remember the kid in your class that always screwed up the telephone game on purpose? That kid grew up to be an adult. And he has friends. To this day they still get enjoyment out of messing up the telephone game.

In school there were rules. You couldn't just bypass the line and relay the message directly to the person at the end of the line. In real life, you can.

If you want to remove a lot of headaches from your life, stop relaying important messages through other people. It just doesn't work. And stop being the relay as well.

Oh, and if you're the guy or gal screwing up the messages on purpose, we need to talk...

The dichotomy of effort and art

My dad taught me quite a few lessons. The most important was the value of hard work.

I don't know anyone that worked harder than my dad to build his business. But, as much as I love my dad, he wasn't an artist.

Sometimes more work is the answer. You need to get that product out the door, finish those reports or catch up on some yard work? Sure. Get out there and do the work.

But when it comes to artistic solutions... solutions that don't have a definitive finish line, it's not about more work.

Let me be more clear. When is a painting finished? When is the conversation with your teenager done? When is that new product design as good as it can be? The answer is whenever you feel that it is.

So if you're feeling a little overwhelmed, first ask yourself whether this is a "more effort" task or an "artistic" one.

If the task is about more effort, schedule it and do it.

But if the task is about art, then it's harder to know when you're done. I would recommend setting a reasonable time constraint. And when the time is up, the project is done. Is it perfect? Nope. But neither is art. It's part of what makes are interesting. It's unique. It has your fingerprints on it and it is difficult to replicate the emotion that went into it.

Effort? Effort is replicable. Art is not.

There is no ninth inning

I was in 3rd grade, sitting in a tiny chair next to a round table with 7 of my classmates. My teacher pulled out our new reading book, "On the Horizon." I wasn't a very confident kid, but phonics and reading made sense to me. So, against my better judgment, I decided to say the name of the book out loud - 17 times in a row, as only a 3rd grader can.

There was only one problem. I was mispronouncing "horizon." I got it wrong.

Ouch.

For a kid with not much confidence to begin with, being corrected by a teacher in front of my judgey little friends was heartwrenching. It's probably the reason I still remember it 30 years later.

But that's what school is all about. You're either right or you're wrong. Right is good. Wrong is bad. And it sets us up with a mentality that being wrong is, by definition, failure.

But life doesn't work like that. You will be wrong. I promise. These are some of the things I've gotten wrong in just the last week:

• I forgot to get gas for the lawnmower.
• I yelled at the wrong kid when there was an argument.
• I forgot to ask how my daughter's day was at school.
• I didn't tell my oldest son goodnight.
• I got upset with my wife when I was the one that was wrong.
• I didn't call my mom back when I said I would.
• I laid awake stressing about things I can't control.
• I didn't get a project done on time.
• I forgot to follow-up with an email.
• I fell asleep before I finished the chore I promised my wife I would do.
• I wasn't mentally present for a conversation with my son.

All failures. All things that I know how to do and just simply didn't execute. And these are just the ones I've thought of in the last 90 seconds. I'm certain there are more.

But it's not a failure, because life isn't a zero-sum game. Life is a continuous game. And in a continuous game, there is no ninth inning. There is no last pitch. You just keep playing.

You'll probably mess up today. I know I will. But when you get it wrong, simply learn and move on. Beating yourself up (or beating others up) over mistakes keeps you stuck.

You gave up a home run? You turned the puck over at your own blueline? You missed the game-winning three? Yeah, that sucks. But get up, brush yourself off and keep playing. There will be a new game tomorrow and you'll be better for having lost that last one.

That’s just my luck

I used to say this a lot. I felt sorry for myself and I felt like the world was out to get me.

"Nothing ever works out."

"Nothing is ever easy."

"That's just my luck."

But then I realized something. I never said, "That's just my luck" when something good happened. If you believe in luck, doesn't it go both ways? In fact, I had never heard anyone say "That's just my luck" when something good happened.

I decided to change my focus. When you focus on finding the negative, you'll be sure to find it. But here's where the magic is. When you focus on finding the positive, you'll also be sure to find it.

Try something weird with me. If you're a "That's just my luck" kinda person, say it when something good happens. I think you'll be amazed at how many good things are happening right in front of you... if you'll just change your focus.

Here's your permission slip

You can start that business.

You can say you're a good mom.

You don't need that degree.

You can take some time for yourself to re-energize.

You can cry if you need to.

You can ask for help.

You can raise your hands when you praise Him.

You do have enough to start right now.

You can stand up for that person that's being bullied.

You aren't perfect.

You will succeed if you don't give up.

You can live that life you've been yearning for.

You can change the world, even though you're "just a kid".

You can go against popular opinion.

You can show respect when everyone else responds in anger.

You can show compassion when everyone else walks on by.

You can walk proudly regardless of your past.

You can be the first to in your family to break that addiction.

You are capable of being an incredible dad.

---

Sometimes, all we need is permission. So when someone tells you that you can't, you tell them that I said you can. When they tell you that you're not good enough, tell them that I said you are.

Stop beating yourself up. Stop procrastinating. Stop wondering. Here's your permission slip. It's time to move!

Golden tickets and pocket aces

I had never seen the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory until a few months ago. If you haven't seen it, it's quite trippy and weird and has a positive message. But there's one part of the movie that I think people miss.

Near the beginning of the movie, 5 lucky kids find a "golden ticket" in a chocolate bar wrapper. These five "winners" are rewarded with a behind-the-scenes tour of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and a lifetime supply of chocolate.

So, as the story goes, there are four problematic kids and one nice young man named Charlie that found the golden tickets. I'll leave the rest of the plot to you, but here's what I find interesting. It seemed there were 5 winners, but there weren't.

The golden ticket wasn't the end. It was the beginning. The kids that got them didn't win the race. They were simply given an opportunity to run.

If you were fortunate enough to be born in the United States of America or another 1st world country, you've been given a golden ticket... like it or not. You don't have to cash it in. You can sit on it and wait for your fortune to come. You can complain because the other racers are passing you. You can complain and moan because the race is hard.

Or...

You can come to the realization that you were given a golden ticket. You live in a place that will allow you to follow your dreams, where food and water flow freely, and where we can worship any way we want.

So, if you're reading this, take this blog post as your golden ticket. Take it. Feel it. Let it sink in. You HAVE a golden ticket in your hand right now. Not everyone in the world has gotten one, but you have. And it wasn't by accident.

Now I'm not much for guilt trips, but I am a realist. So I would be remiss to leave out the other side to this story.

Today someone is going to be born without a golden ticket. A baby will be born in a place where his or her mother isn't nourished enough to feed them. Where there isn't clean water within a 5-mile radius. Where their life will be threatened on a regular basis before they ever see their teenage years. Where they won't have access to even basic education.

It's not about guilt. It's about realizing that you owe the world something when you're given a golden ticket. When you're dealt pocket aces, you play the damn hand. Too many people are folding because they are afraid to play.

Play. The. Hand.

I can't wait to see what you'll do when you decide to get in the game!